After about 8 months since my last ‘Twisted Sentiments’ post, I’m back with another one, a ‘major, major’ update in fact. *lol* I’ve always planned to post an update, since there have been a lot of shifts and changes in the past 8 months, and I think some of you are unaware of these changes. However, I was either too busy with unimportant stuff or too lazy to formulate my thoughts into understandable prose. *sorry, sorry* I did jot down some thoughts while these important events were happening, and that’s what you’ll be reading here. So it’s like my reflection on the things that have transpired and also my thoughts on some of the things that I’m going through right now.
Ode to the Monotony
At one point in time, I decided to stay. So here is my award. I’ll always be thankful and grateful to this company, for the memories, and for helping me to grow to be the person that I am right now.
I posted this on my photo blog as a caption for my Service Award thingy. Honestly, I can’t believe that I actually stayed for five years. It started out as a desperate attempt to augment my family’s finances and save up enough money to go back to school. But by some stroke of luck (and procrastination on my part), I was able to make it to INFO’s Service Awards Night.
So why did I stay that long? Well, I got stuck in something like a ‘dream-limbo’. I got too comfortable with the environment, I loved my teammates, and I was satisfied with the compensation. I was content and happy, despite the toxic monotony of work. And I actually thought that I could build a career and progress at INFO, and that maybe, I don’ need to actually finish my degree (I finished my majors anyway, and all I have left are minor subjects). That’ what I thought, until I got a ‘kick’.
I suddenly realized that I have dangerously strayed away from my original goal, and that my career options, and my future in general, will always be limited by the fact that I’m an undergrad. So I decided to pursue my original goal and go back to school, despite my age and awkward circumstances it entailed.
I’ve made the decision … to work for a brighter future… [find] better opportunities, to go beyond the confines of my current situation, and discover what I’m capable of…
That was my ‘grand plan’. On hindsight, it would have been easier if I just accepted the separation pay. But I opted for job security, I still have some bills to pay and all that. Plus I was caught off guard. So I opted for the ‘long and winding road’ (I seem to have a liking for delays and detours, *lol*). I made some plans, saved up as much as I can, and took the risk. My stay at INFO/kgb officially ended last April 30.
NOTE: I’m skipping the starting school stuff for now… well, the school term is almost over anyway, so I’ll just do a summary later…
Freeloader-san
I think I mentioned before that I plan to work part-time while at school. Well, that didn’t push through. I wasn’t able to find a suitable part-time job and I eventually decided not to pursue it. It’s actually feasible, taking a part-time job. I have a really good class schedule and I have previous work experience so adjusting to the workplace won’t be much of a problem. But whenever I considered the idea, doubt and fear would cloud my mind. I guess still have some trauma from what happened last time. I tried working full time while attending school, and that didn’t work out too well. I was a bit naive at that time, and I didn’t fully understand the implications of being a working student.
Back then, I was working 9 hours a day and attending school for an average of 2 hours. So that’s 11 hours already. Add 4 hours to that, for travel time, going to and from Taft, Ortigas, and Cainta, and 1 hour preparation time. So that’s 16 hours. I have 8 hours left for sleep and studying. What made things worse was that the 8 hours that I have left are staggered, so I don’t get enough sleep and study time. I’m not really good with time management and things started to get out of hand. So after two, crazy months of work and school, I decided to resign from work and focus on my studies. I was still able to catch up in some of my classes, but I still had one failing subject. Needless to say, I don’t want to take that risk anymore. I gave up a lot already, and failing is not an option.
Facing the Ghosts of the Past
I recently had my transcript of records printed out through MLS, and I can’t help but feel really disappointed in myself. I failed in seven subjects, and most of them are major subjects. *sigh* I had it easy back then; I got all the help, all the love, and all the support that I can get. And that was the best that I can do? More than what I feel about myself, I feel bad for disappointing the people who have extended their help, most especially those who helped out financially. I didn’t know how to use the gifts that I’ve been given and I just let the opportunities go to waste.
I guess I can only say this now because I’ve somewhat matured a bit (in my opinion that is, *wink*). Five years of working in a call centre environment and working with QA honed me to be a result-oriented and productive individual. It also taught me that I should keep setting goals and standards, and diligently measure my progress to overcome complacency. I guess I know better now – I should know better know. Moving forward…
To be continued…
